Perpetual creation? part 3 survival


Chiricahua Apache, Hattie Tom

Chiricahua Apache, Hattie Tom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


When someone uses the word survival, it’s many times tied to images of living off the land, roughing it, bear grilles getting dropped from a helicopter, or some fool tripping over himself in the woods.


The survival I’m going to discuss, is the root of the word. Basically, to keep the body alive.


In part 3 I discussed life, and rezinate brought some really interesting perspectives which taught me a lot, I hope they do the same for any who read this. The part 4 will hopefully put this into more perspective.


In part one I talked about the mind/heart/body connection, and how one thrives or dies depending on the other two. I talked about fuel, and hopefully this part will put that into perspective a little more.


Survival, meaning to keep the body alive. Think about that for a minute and ask yourself, what does that truly and fully mean?


A person in a coma, that never recovers, the body forced to keep working through machines, that is survival. Old ones that have machines put into their bodies to keep it from failing, but in turn lose their freedom due to being tied to those machines, that is survival.


A serial killer, kept alive with no remorse, no caring for another person, that is survival.


I began thinking about what this truly meant when I read the story of massai, a Chiricahua warrior arrested with geronimo. His story can be read here, and I would ask that you do so before you finish reading this.


So many Americans I have talked to speak of how they want a life, they don’t have a life, they’re stuck. When life is all around them and they never see it, because they are only surviving.


Medical science loves to beat its chest about how there have been so many advances that life expectancy has been greatly extended. I say according to whom? If you are using the 28 year life expectancy of the roman empire, than sure. But is it really living or only surviving?


If corn only grew from a kernel, grew tall, and died, never having provided food, is that living, or merely sustaining it’s body? To provide bodily fuel is its role in the circle, maybe we are here to provide a different kind of fuel.


To see a child so full of life, slowly but surely dim, becoming a flame less candle, is that living?


To sit in front of a television and ignore the laughter of the child you provided the seed for, or the woman you planted the seed in, is that living, or merely sustaining the body?


And what does that sustaining only the body do to our hearts and minds?


We see so many young ones centered around the next app, the next twitter, the next Facebook post. So many complain about how little they know. Whose fault is that? Who was the one that sat in front of the television watching football, and putting them in front of their favorite cartoon just to get some “peace”? What do you think that taught them?


Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and nothing inbetween.


What struck me like a ton of bricks, as I saw some of massai in myself, was the detachment from society. Another thing that touched my heart so deeply, that it still brings tears, is that as bad and as “wild” as this former man was, he was still able to be brought back to some normalcy by a woman.


This woman, Natastale, a white mountain apache woman, was abused terribly by massai, yet still had the strength of self to be a woman, and in time, save herself, by bringing the human back out of massai, if only in short intervals.


It struck me so very strongly, and reminded me of many experiences. I realized, for men, society, but more importantly, and I think most importantly, the difference between survival and living, stems from a good woman. Be it a mother, grandmother, sister, friend, wife. They are as rezinate said, our unehlanvhi. What brings light to our darkness. What separates tribes from savages. They are our civility.


When we do not respect them, dominate them, attempt the change them, silence them, abuse them, ignore them, we men become just as savage as massai.


Natastale is a credit to her people, and I feel a lesson for women today, that so many bad things can happen, yet if they remain true to who they are, there is a great strength and power inside them.


But also a lesson for men, that we are nothing but savages attempting to survive without our good women.




My sister and mother told me stories of a childhood I can’t remember most of. They told me of a father that did not beat me because my mother provoked him when she saw the anger coming, and would lay on the floor bloodied and broken to save her children. My sister saw the same and would step between me and my father and pull his anger onto her to be beat instead of me. She said she was used to it, and I was so tender hearted she could not bear to see me hurt like she had been.


I am crying as I write this because if the pain in my heart from the actions of my father, but also for the love of a mother and sister who would disregard their own safety to protect the little ones. These women are my personal heroes. They are the women warriors I use as an example of strength, determination, fearlessness.


They took the pain for me so I would not just survive, but stay living with a strong spirit. Later in life I returned the favor as best as I could. But more than that, I learned that a person cannot overcome great suffering alone. The great suffering brings us down, we need others to bring us up, to give a hand to help us climb out of the hole. But once out of the hole, we must stand on our own feet.


By the time I was 10 years old, I was fed up with something I still cannot fully recall. I recall bullies at school and on the bus that my sister stood up to. I recall her scratching a teenage boy in the face and nearly blinding him because he touched her where he shouldn’t have. I recall her beating a boy that was abusing me so badly he had to stay home from school for days. Some would say she went overboard. I say she reacted to a situation she was fed up with. But she never hurt an innocent. She fought against abuse, and protected the innocent.


I learned from her and my mother and at 10 stood in front of a boy younger than me to protect him from my father. I do not know what I did other than speaking, but I remember from then on and my father did not hurt anyone in my presence again. I remember the look look of shock and fear on my fathers face. I remember saying “don’t ever touch him again” and I put all the strength of my little spirit into those words.


There is a reason we make tribes, tell stories, group together. It isn’t just for protection we group together, it is also for living. Like when my mother and sister protected me, they did so in order for who I was to more than survive, but stay living.


It’s far to easy to take a life, it’s much harder to take suffering onto yourself to protect others. But ones like my mother and sister do so without thinking. I learned that from them, and I continue it, and others learn from me.


For me that protection teaching came from my mother, for her she says it came from her grandmother, and for her it was from her father.


My mother has taught many women to be strong inside to stand up for themselves and others. I try to carry that on, and teach men to use their strength to protect. No man should give his woman no choice other than to take a beating to protect her little ones.


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14 thoughts on “Perpetual creation? part 3 survival

  1. I believe aggression evolved out of a survival mechanism, but it also became a standard
    of sorts to measure a man by-who was the most aggressive in defense, in battle, and
    there was a mystique that grew around it.

    Aggression is a part of competition, particularly in sports like football, hockey, and boxing,
    the more aggressive a player or fighter is the more accolades they receive, the bigger the
    rewards, and the more likely it is they will win. Society rewards aggression.

    But aggression is becoming a mindset-people drive aggressively, they become aggressive
    at those holiday sales, aggressive in relationships, in parenting, and even in the most minor
    of pursuits.

    Human emotions serve a purpose-how and what they serve is defined by intent and degree.
    Some can become a monster unleashed that overwhelms and not only subjugate but habituate
    as well.

    I understand the emotions and influences that drove Massai, but not the direction he allowed
    him to take him. Not to the point being consumed by them and lessening his own humanity.

    He was a veteran of the wars who saw everything he loved being destroyed-he was rounded
    up along with others and packed into cattle cars to be transported thousands of miles from his homeland-he saw women and children die in that journey just as he had been seeing for years,
    and upon his escape had a year to think about and feed on the hatred his experiences instilled
    as he made his way home.

    Imagine this twelve hundred mile trek through a land he knew that was hostile-a land that no
    longer offered any sanctuary. Twelve hundred miles without so much as being seen, or offered
    a friendly word, to arrive in your homeland to face the same and continue to be hunted.

    Sherman’s march through the South and his scorched earth policy exemplifies an unfettered aggression, and surely hatred as well.

    Similar examples abound in military campaigns against the nations- all coordinated, coldly
    calculated, and with a single purpose in mind-savage destruction.

    Massai fought savagery with savagery in kind-maybe he felt that was all that was left to him,
    or maybe his spirit became twisted to such a degree he believed courtship involved the killing
    of one woman to abduct another.

    Ultimately I applaud the indomitable spirit he displayed, but I think as well circumstance and experience, like a thief, stole a large part of his humanity.

    So much in fact that the influence of a woman was incapable of returning it save for fleeting moments. I’d say Massai was a victim also-a victim of the life forced upon him and his people,
    and of himself as well-maybe a victim of the “mind/heart/body connection” you speak of , and influences placed upon them.

    Massai didn’t have a television to sit in front of, only the reality of the blood, sweat, and tears
    he and his people were drowning in.

    Within that I see the “savagery” men can be driven to, and say little wonder. Massai survived,
    but I don’t think it could be called living. Ultimately it is more about what you attach yourself
    to than what you detach from.

    • Well said. I can understand the rage brought about by seeing a woman hurt, the utter pain of little ones gone early, the suffering of the people, and the destruction of a way of life. I cannot understand from the context of inside, but rather outside, after all is gone.

      My heart knows what is gone without ever experiencing it myself. A strange sensation indeed.

      No doubt it is also what we attach ourselves too, glad you brought this up.

      The things that fulfill us, that fill our hearts with love, joy, happiness, contentment. They may be greatly reduced, but can still be found.

      If we allow our sorrow to overwhelm us, and don’t set those stones down, but instead pile them onto our family and friends, there is a greater victory found by our enemies.

      One far greater than simply killing the body. It destroys all of what we are. It takes away all that is sacred to us and feeds us in every way. The sorrow we allow to stay in our hearts kills our people as surely as a bullet to the brain, it just takes longer.

      Even though the body may live, the heart is broken, the mind is broken, the people are broken, and no longer living, only surviving.

      Putting one proverbial foot in front of the other, and carrying on breathing.

  2. meoquane and jess

    taliuquelugv we will look the more for this one the Massai and good to make
    this point for this one Natastale to soften the heart the time the time, but we
    think to Massai made to be the victim to like this one rezinate has said and
    sad to have only the anger for the heart.
    what is between this ash and the dust is for each to make the best can do
    and may be there was to much the ash the dust for this one Massai to see
    clear. we do not know the energy the creation, the destroy, the perpetual for
    this one, only the way made to be and many the answer for this.
    the answer to lose the land and the ones to love made to be one answer,and
    the answer to put the train same as the cattle another.

    • He had much trouble and pain, but he chose to stay lost.

      This good woman brought him back, and he left again by his choice. I cannot say I would do any different. But I will not say he had no fault, or no choice.

      I have seen this in men today many times. They will hide from the pain, and instead give it to others. This is not good now, and it wasn’t then.

      There are animals that will act the same way massai did, those I have met are feeding on the bad. Same as the men and women who turn on their own.

      But then there are also those that do not fall beneath the weight of pain and suffering.

      If your body gets hurt and goes on, and that is a form of surviving, but your heart gets hurt and falls away, is that still surviving?

      I don’t think so.

      • meoquane and jess

        May be it is so but each one is made to be different, the man the woman
        and to react. We do not have the village to be burned and we do not have
        the old ones and the little ones to be killed the same like in time for Massai,
        and we do not think any the one makes the bag for the tobacco from the
        woman breast in this day.
        we are not made to wander the cold for the winter after the big fight with
        noi cloths and no warm place for the little ones to see them die for this,
        but we are made to think if this was so many the Massai we would see in
        this day and we would not be the one to speak bad for them.
        We are made to think this one Massai had the heart the mind to be broke
        for all the ash the dust ans we do not thin he made to sit the one day to
        say oh, now I will be this way and made to choose for it. And we do not
        think he would say oh, I will be the good for the few minutes and then to
        be the bad one again
        If this energy you speak is the perpetual and creates many things we
        would say it made to create Massai and he did not. we do not say no
        fault for but more for those ones who made these things to be. May be
        easy now to say Massai the bad one and to say we would not do the
        same, but we do not think easy if made to live the same for Massai.

        • Yes, each is made to be different, and this time is much different. But the heart will yell to follow the good way, and it will make us pause, and choose. He was not totally lost, the goodness in the woman brought him back, he sat to think about killing her, and thought again.

          In response to rezinate, I said i understand the rage. I do not understand the depth that he felt. I may well have done the same thing, and i have said this.

          What I will not do sister is say ok in this way to hurt the woman and kill the mother. This thinking leads to the american law way, to make the excuse this way and that way.

          From what was written down of cherokee law, there was no maybe. The killing of the good woman was death. We cannot make the allowance and say maybe ok this time. We have to stay strong and say never ok anytime.

          My heart hurts that this good warrior broke in this way. It is the thing to watch for in us, that this one that made the fight for so long in the good way, still went down the bad road.

          The thing I celebrate is the protection of the women and children, and little ones he did when he was with geronimo. This is the massai I will give the war yelp for. This one that broke, I cannot, because the good massai that his mother made was not the one that hurt the woman. The bad massai the pain and suffering and giving in made, was made by the others and himself.

          We have to take some responsibility for what we do, or we will make the excuses for many bad things. Many the ones then saw the bad things, and still made to protect. This is the road they chose.

  3. meoquane and jess

    how is the ones with the mind to be broke do not hear this heart to yell? and how
    is it made to be those ones like that people put in the hospital and say they are not
    responsible? I would ask if massai mind was this broke how would he make the choice?
    We have known the few with this broke mind and we do not say they have chose to
    be this way, and some the time they do the right thing and some the time they do not
    but we are not made to say they are bad only the sick., and we do not blame any the one
    made to be sick the cold the flu the mind and we do not say we make the excuse
    for any the one sick the cold the flu the mind only that we make to say it is so.
    we have spoke to this one good man for this and asked would he be made to
    be this way and he has said the true thing he is not made to know and dos not think
    any the one can say without to be the same place.
    now i would ask if you had the mind to be broke and do bad things would this be
    the choice for you? would you be responsible for this?

    • What is the trail that leads to crazy town? Rezinate spoke of the long trip back home massai made that worked on him. How many times did the heart speak to him in this time? How many spoke to him when he was home?

      We have the medicines to fight the sick in the body, the heart, what about the mind?

      When we have the sick starting, do we say i am not strong enough, or say i will fight this? If we become too weak in the body, do we go hide, or do we ask for help?

      How many of our people are hurt in the heart and sick in the mind, and hide this instead of asking for help?

      the mind is the slippery slope sometimes, you will slip and fall, but you have to always get up.

      There is a choice to fight until you give out, and you pass away. Few ever take this choice. Sometimes the man cannot afford to give in at all, or he will never come back. There are many steps to this, and many chances to come back.

  4. “My heart knows what is gone without ever experiencing it myself. A strange sensation

    The heart always knows what is lost, and this but there is a physical vacancy that exists
    and makes itself known as well -no woman beside you at night, the familiar sound of children laughing-the comfort and assurance of familiar surroundings- a heart at rest and at peace.

    Remove any of these from the equation and you can become a stranger in a strange land,
    and I think it is difficult in the least to say how we as individuals would respond.

    Since this is a blog about energy and perpetual creation we have to acknowledge that this
    energy and ability to perpetuate what was known no longer existed for Massai- a void was
    left-a black hole of negative energy that drew in and consumed everything-how radical a
    concept, a reality, was that?

    And I will not attribute the direction he went as a weakness, any who think it is should attempt
    his journey alone-just that and nothing else. The mind can break just like any other part of the

    If we would bring animals into the discussion then we have to acknowledge that if you abuse
    one long enough it will turn on you-and rightfully so. If it happens to be a dog in what way is it referred to? A mad dog, with no thought of why.

    There is a transitional period between night and day, between the seasons-a time to adjust-no
    such transition exists when someone or something is abruptly taken from you- difficult to deal
    with one such instance, but even more so when they are multiplied and ongoing.

    A sudden cessation of that flow of energy-much like a power failure and we are left groping in
    the dark-some will find their way due to the familiarity of surroundings, but those in unfamiliar surroundings may not be as successful, perhaps even fall.

    What familiar surroundings are there when your land has been taken, your people killed, you’ve
    lost your family, survivors have been rounded up and penned like cattle, and then you find
    yourself on a train destined for a place you have never heard of? What anchor is left? What
    energy, what perpetuation, and what is it’s nature?

    I said I understand the emotions and influences that drove Massai but not the direction he
    allowed it to take him-perhaps I misspoke in that because I’m not so sure Massai chose instead
    of being compelled by forces larger than himself.

    When you read the story it is obvious he struggles but is overwhelmed-and I don’t think he or
    others necessarily “allow” themselves to be overwhelmed.

    He carried a lot of stones-so many as to be buried alive by them-perhaps too many to dig out
    from under, and with more being piled atop him daily with the reality of his changing world.

    This is a good blog-a good series, but I wonder if we are assuming absolutes of behavior that
    don’t exist? None of us are exactly alike, and none of us will think or behave in an identical
    fashion-the electrical current, or energy, in a house can be interrupted- I believe the current of
    life and thought and emotion can be interrupted in people as well-and when they do nothing
    functions as it did.

    If Massai were mentally ill, and I believe he was, it was a sickness, not a choice. I don’t
    think he wished it upon himself, allowed, or willed it to be.

    I don’t support violence directed at women or children in any manner, and I say what I
    have within that context.

    • There are a few things that we all have, animals, humans, insects, differences abound, and too many associations can be made. But there are some very base things that are the seeds everything else grows from that are the same. Not many, but some.

      How strongly do people call for good things when they are oppressed, and how strongly do they call for good things when everything is good?

      Pulling energy in that continues the circles.

      But this is all discussion right? How can either of us know what it was like then?

  5. “But this is all discussion right? How can either of us know what it was like then?”

    For some it would be a reliance on history books, school curriculum-perhaps
    documentaries, and even to some extent movies, or media archives.

    But for us the memory of the slaughter and abuse visited upon the nations
    is a living thing that dwells among us in this house-old ones who know the
    names of family members killed during those times as told to them by parents
    and grandparents,

    No folded flag, no medals, no obituary cut from the paper to be saved, no
    flower pressed between the pages of a book, nor death certificates or
    gravestones-yet they remain within our hearts and our blood.

    Their energy continues in us-we are the perpetuation of it, and take it to be a

    We will not forget those names nor what they endured, and we will see to that
    little ones know these names as well.

    • “Their energy continues in us-we are the perpetuation of it, and take it to be a

      Exactly so, and you create little ones, and they create more and so on. This knowledge passing on and on, the life continuing. When you consider all life from the smallest to the largest all keeping their own circle going in their own way, interacting, interdependent, individual, sharing, taking. All set into motion to keep going.

      “For some it would be a reliance on history books, school curriculum-perhaps
      documentaries, and even to some extent movies, or media archives.

      But for us the memory of the slaughter and abuse visited upon the nations
      is a living thing that dwells among us in this house-old ones who know the
      names of family members killed during those times as told to them by parents
      and grandparents,

      No folded flag, no medals, no obituary cut from the paper to be saved, no
      flower pressed between the pages of a book, nor death certificates or
      gravestones-yet they remain within our hearts and our blood.”

      This is what so many americans dont grasp, and why I started the replies i did in the ways i did. Nearly all those things were things I have been told, when trying to explain to others.

      So many consider these bad times ancient history, they are so disconnected from their Elders, so forgetful of what happened a few years ago, so caught up in themselves, they fail to see that there are those still living still suffering from this “ancient history”.

  6. American culture in large part is based on assimilation, the absorption and adoption
    of various cultural aspects of others. That an the bending of individual will.

    This is often glowing referred to as a melting pot of ethnicity-but there are huge problems
    associated with it as well

    Saint Patrick’s Day and everyone is Irish- Cinco de Mayo and everyone is Hispanic-the
    reality though is that for many it is merely an excuse to drink and party, not an homage.

    And they understand nothing of the history or the culture, with the possible exception of
    a hybridized one that meshes with the American way.

    This hybridization leads to a loss of integrity-just as it has and will continue to do with our
    ceremonies when those among us seek to commercialize them or gain notoriety in doing

    That is what we see now with this fascination of indigenous culture and the wholesale
    cultural vacuuming of it by the crystal wavers.

    It is not an homage, an attempt to preserve, or has anything to do with respect-that too
    is something people either fail to understand or willfully ignore for their own reasons.

    Our culture cannot be defined by any standard other than our- neither can that of any of
    other ethnicity, yet it is the very process in which the American way operates.

    A narrow minded, myopic, and too often selfish approach that in effect assumes some
    superiority-an assumption that authored such things as the Doctrine of Manifest Destiny
    and the concept of holding land in trust.

    Inspite of this the memory remains, a memory that is embedded not just in our minds and
    spirits, but in our very blood and the land itself.

    Massai’s mind may have been broken, but I think the same can be said for the mind of this
    nation that proudly asserts all men are created equal, and yet in practice nothing attests to

    Diversity is an absolute essential to the perpetuation of all things-conformity can be of benefit
    in some areas, but it can also neuter and weaken- GMO’s are a prime example of that,
    inbreeding another.

    Man is not the ultimate authority-neither does he arbitrarily know what is best-all one need
    do is look around to see it is so.

    Allowances are made for modern day warriors who fight on foreign soil when they
    return broken and traumatized-it is said they suffer from PTSD- perhaps such an allowance
    should be made for Massai as well-as I think those who do, past and present, did not choose
    it to be so.

    If we fail to tell these little ones the names what is perpetuated? It is in the telling, the oral
    legends and history that in large part activates the memories-remove that and what influence
    is left?

    One need only look at our stolen children raised in an environment other than our own
    to ascertain the answer. Perpetuation is not a given in every instance-it can require
    effort, purpose, and input.

    • meoquane and jess

      yes rezinate we are made to think may be this ptsd and not
      the choice

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