Fear


Of all the things working against the people no matter what nation, one of the major things, is fear.

As a boy things happened to me that made me learn how to deal with fear. I had to learn how to overcome it, not just continually fight it, but how to not allow it to appear in the first place.

Growing up knowing this, I saw in others how their fear will effect them. Even I, having learned so much early on, continually saw things that brought an irrational fear. It taught me that no matter how much you know, you will always encounter new things.

As I began dating not knowing how to be good around women, as in respect for them, learning about them, seeing they are different and learning to accept that, and not understanding that seemingly good people can do hurtful things and not fully realize it, I got burned by women, trying to learn, understand, figure out how I was supposed to act, and find a woman that matched me.

I realize now that I hurt the women as much as they hurt me at times, and just as I did not mean to hurt them, many times they did not mean to hurt me.

But this hurt built a larger and more extensive “fortress” to protect me from getting hurt. Realizing this in myself I could see this in the women I had dated.

This defense led to a fear, that fear led to making up problems. Seeing troubles where none existed, seeing hurtful actions when she made an innocent mistake.

Holding onto these hurts, stresses, etc., was described to me as carrying stones. More weight added to you than you need to carry. It is a very accurate description.

But relationships are just one small aspect. Protecting is another aspect. Growing up I would see others, or get into situations myself that taught me what the laws were, I would also read up on the laws as best as I could understand for the particular place I was living at the time.

In learning these laws, and trying to conform to them, I came to understand that they are extremely restrictive for those that follow the law, yet extremely lenient for those that break the law.

Talking to men and women, I could see their non-confidence in the law protecting them and their families. I could see in myself as well as others, that this non-confidence, coupled with the restrictions gave man and women both a helpless feeling. Where if a wrong was done to them, the person might get caught, might not, but even if they did, thy would serve a few years or months in jail, then be out to do it again.

These all added together create a fear. A rational fear but an unresolved fear as well. That leads to irrational thoughts and feelings. A cat bumps a window climbing on the window sill, and it’s someone there to break in.

Crime isn’t punished to the extent it needs to be to stop recurrence. When a man feels a need to protect his family, but has to delegate that protection to another, in his heart, he loses a large piece of who he is, he is delegating the responsibility to his family to a total stranger. That creates a detachment from his responsibilities, and will bleed over into other things. But it also creates a worry that his family will not be protected, that worry can and usually does at some point, lead to fear.

Many women still look to the men around them to provide protection. I have seen women deny this, but then shortly after do that very thing. I see nothing wrong with it, as long as it doesn’t become a crutch, or something that gives away their freedom or strength.

Being raised in a Christian environment, I was taught to fear creator, the love of creator was taught, but it was done so in a way that suggested the love was conditional. It was also taught that causing fear was a good thing. Putting the fear of god into someone is a good example of this.

Using fear to get anything done among your community is no way to go about things. If someone comes to hurt someone and you need to protect your own, I think making them fear would be applicable. Our old ways used extreme punishments according to this society. But they worked. Apparently the laws now aren’t working, as anyone can see.

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7 thoughts on “Fear

  1. meoquane and jess

    not many the time and not many the man to say they have made the
    problem and made the hurt for the woman, same for the woman, not
    many to say they have done this to the man.
    and yes this law has many the problems and many have the fear for
    those ones who make it and make the arrest. this one good man has
    said to us every the one has the fear for some thing and may be good
    for this and not to deny it but the better to face it and take the control.
    we can not think of the worse fear than to fear for the husband or any
    the man for the family, this is more bad than those ones the gangs.
    and may be these ones who killed this one Annie Mae and used this
    fear to make others not to speak should think for this and have the shame.
    they are not made to be the law and the warrior, they are the coward to
    fear this woman and all those things they did.

    • This is true, many don’t, but i think they should. To say this for everyone to see, it is no longer the secret, the hidden thing. The ugliness they showed to another they want to hide. It says “i am human, and i am sorry”, but it means nothing if there is not action.

      These are good words this man told you.

      There are many of the ones who are supposed to protect that do not, and use this position to bring suffering.

      The ones that took the life of annie mae have no substance to do what they have done.

      No man does that hurts a woman intentionally.

  2. I sympathise completely with what you have said about delegation.

    I just realised today that I’m afraid, if not to some extent unable a lot of the time, to let my real distress at being stalked and abused by organised crime show, when I became aware of a police car and felt I had to hide my tears for fear of being despised. I was embarrassed, to put it mildly.

    Then I realised, or at least thought, that their are people in the police who will pass someone crying and not ask any questions though the person is obviously in distress, because a lot of them want an easy job and won’t intervene where they might obviously be needed, unless someone has called them or unless it is obvious to everyone. Some of them love the ‘glory’ of putting people down or clubbing ‘miscreants’, but helping a crying woman is not their thing.

    I’ve reported my situation over and over, down the past decade and more, and have been abused, assaulted physically and verbally for my pains, ignored and put in a mental hospital.

    ANYONE would be sick and beside themselves subjected to this and also left to deal with what they have reported, without help and in fear of being put away themselves.

    • Sue, first off, let me thank you for speaking up against what must be a very difficult situation. It takes true inner strength to speak out, and I’m very glad to see you have not lost this.

      When the heart speaks loud enough to bring tears, we should listen, and let them, and the emotion flow out. It can be overwhelming at times, but it’s good for the spirit.

      As a man I have encountered the common “real men don’t cry” perspective, that brings with it a disparaging attitude. The withdrawal, sometimes revulsion, accompanied by the “suck it up and be a man”. There are times when crying will bring those around you down farther, or make them cry worse, and is not always appropriate. But I feel that you still need to get that emotion out. Even if it means going off by yourself and letting it loose. It has been my experience, if this is not done, it makes “knots” in the heart, much like knots in the muscles when you are under stress. Just like the knots in the muscles need to be worked out, so do the knots in the heart.

      In McDonald county Missouri, there is a revolving door judicial system. Where someone will get picked up for selling drugs, usually meth, pay a fine, and be released. My family and I encountered this system after my niece died. They sought to pressure us into pleading guilty and paying the fine and moving on. When we refused to go along, they drug out a prosecution of my sister for five years, changing the charges multiple times, two preliminary hearings the first found no evidence to continue to trial, yet they moved on anyway, producing evidence four years after the fact that was never produced before, ignoring evidence that would prove them wrong. So I can empathize with you in reguards to corrupt or careless ” law enforcement”. This produced a severe mistrust in law enforcement for some time. But I had to make myself remember those I have met that actually cared, and tried their best to do a good job. There is good and bad in all things, people are no different.

      I can understand to an extent police not stopping at every woman crying, as they could have just broken up with a boyfriend, had an argument with a spouse, or friend, found out a family member died, or many other things. It is another to pass by a woman that shows serious distress.

      What you have shared is to me a perfect example of how a community as a whole will disregard a woman that is in need. If it is only one of the things mentioned above, try and listen, maybe they have no one to speak to about such things. Maybe it is something much worse as in your case.

      I wonder too, where are the men where you live, that this can happen for ten years and nothing is done?

      I would also ask, have you spoken to other women about this? From your description you’re not the only one. There is strength in numbers, multiple victims are much harder to ignore or throw in a mental hospital. Women are amazing when they band together, they can change the course of an entire nation, just look at prohibition.

      I cannot imagine what you have been through and my heart goes out to you.

      I would ask that you think about something. You always have a choice. You can choose to remain a victim, or choose to fight back. If others will not stand with you, you have the choice to leave. NO ONE, should go through what you have. Not once, and certainly not repeatedly. You have a choice, the change starts with you.

  3. Fear-an excellent topic to blog about-whether it is self inflicted, imposed,
    or as I believe it’s original purpose was, a survival mechanism. Some are
    paralyzed by it, others deny it, and still others use it as a tool. It can make
    a person physically ill or reclusive.
    Of course in this day and age the go to solution is some form of medication
    or counseling-both may have a place, but ultimately I think each must face
    the fears the have and learn to deal with them.
    If it is a healthy “fear” of say fire or falling off a cliff, recognize it as such and
    learn to control it rather than succumb. If it is a destructive fear look closely at
    it and attempt to understand where it came from and why.
    Fear long ago was weaponized to conquer and oppress people- it still is to
    this day in the endless conflicts and religious dogmas so prevalent.
    It is an instrument of government and finance as well- vote for this, vote for
    that or usher in rack and ruin-“we have nothing to fear but fear itself”, we’ve
    learned that isn’t necessarily true, though just fear in itself can be debilitating.
    What if I lose my home, my insurance, my job-what then? what will happen
    to my children my family?
    These are valid concerns, but we shouldn’t allow ourselves to me manipulated
    by them. Nor should we allow the suspension or surrender of liberties under the
    guise of security-as is the case with the National Defense Authorization Act.
    The basis of created fears like the Catholic churches doctrine of purgatory or
    forgiveness through a mediating priesthood is strictly an imposed fear whose
    end is control-nowhere in their book the Bible can a single validation be found
    for it-yet like many fears the faithful have embraced it.
    That is the key-whether an individual embraces a fear or controls it-I really don’t
    believe there is a middle ground. Things might on occasion frighten me and I
    don’t have an issue in saying so, but they do not control me, nor would I allow
    them too-that adrenaline rush might be just what is needed to carry the day.

  4. Very nice post, great you speak about most important topic – as we been made to be civilzation of Fear, forced to fear everything – first and most of all OURSELVES, then others, then Nature then forced to “protect” ourselves… and enslaved by it.

    But looking at explanation what fear IS – False Evidence Appearing Real [F.E.A.R.] – it’s so easy to understand that stopping to live own illusions and false imaginations, getting rid of them by observation, education, by becoming fearless – which simply means finding courage to face our own imaginary fears and defeat them by becoming conscious, educated in WHOLE way – intellectually, emotionally and spriritaly by NOT accepting nor own nor served to us lies, deception and excuses – we can be FREE again.

    Be free from F.E.A.R. – is to be truly free, in my humble opinion.

    • I really like this discription, False Evidence Appearing Real. Many times it is this way, sometimes though, it is like rezinate said, survival mechanism. A little fear of the pain of fire, or mauling by a bear can make a healthy caution, but allowed to control you, can make you afraid to light a match, or walk in the woods.

      Thank you for speaking up and adding your voice to this. I wish there were many many more that would speak up and say, “I will not be afraid”.

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