Balance in duality


I was recently reading a post called They say opposites attract and it got me to thinking. I thought about the saying opposites attract. While it is true, it’s also not complete to describe a relationship. Birds of a feather flock together also applies, but is not complete either.

I’m not going to claim any wisdom in relationships, or balance. But certain things have stood out to me over the years, and talking to many people I’ve come to understand a few things at least. One is that everyone is different, and two is that some things are applicable in nearly every situation.

For instance, men and women are opposites and do attract each other. But opposites in everyday life will never work as a relationship. Even a friendship needs shared interests. A long term relationship intended to last a lifetime needs much more shared than a friendship that may or may not last.

The differences between men and women are in many was opposite to the other, but they aren’t in opposition to each other, rather they compliment each other. But that complimenting only comes when a shared need is accepted and embraced.

Take the bird and trees. They couldn’t be more different, one is rooted in the ground, one flies above it. But they share a life together so fully that we cannot imagine one without the other. I think if we find the one that balances us in the opposite/shared we will live like the birds and trees.

Male/female, dark/light, heat/cold, all are opposites, but without both in balance we wouldn’t have life. It’s in the balance where the sharing comes in, the give and take that is required for two opposites to coexist.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 11 Comments

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11 thoughts on “Balance in duality

  1. You make some good points, and well said, but I think too often too often relationships
    have their origins in the moment with no thought of the long term. Sort of it feels good
    do it mentality.
    They are based on what is pleasing, the visual and physical attraction, and the
    incompatibilities are overlooked. And so relationships become a game of romantic
    musical chairs-are short lived in the context of longevity, and result in people
    “falling” in and out of “love” on a regular basis-always vocal that the latest
    infatuation is the “one”.
    I’ve never understood this game of chairs and suspect it is more about me than
    we-I think as well it sets in place an ease of ability, an inclination, that if the going
    gets tough it’s time to bail.
    Diversity is what sets all things in motion, and to my way of thinking
    contributes mightily to balance-without this said diversity, we as people and all
    things would be the same.
    I want to have shared interests and beliefs with a woman, but I also don’t
    want her to reflect a mirror image of me, therein lies the attraction of opposites,
    and in this context it is an essential ingredient of any relationship.
    Birds as you say roost in trees rather than atop one another in some avian
    pyramid- it is the attraction and benefit of being opposite that lead them to
    do so.
    It is important that while we share common interests and goals we maintain the
    diversity of non destructive individual interests and distinct personalities.
    As men and women our very nature and emotional makeups are different-that is
    more than just design, it is an inherent right to be who we are.
    All relationships contain an element of compromise-it is a moderation of
    existing opposites-but there is a major difference between compromise and surrender,
    and we should all celebrate the diversity of life and loved ones.
    Erich Fromm authored a book entitled The Art of Loving, and while I don’t give
    much credence to “psychology”, in it he made an observation that women love their
    children unconditionally because they are, while men love them conditionally for how
    they meet expectations. That’s a little deep, but I think there is a kernal of truth
    in it.
    While both mothers and fathers love their children, or at least by any
    standard should, I think fathers expect more in the way of accomplishment and
    performance.
    I think the same can be said of these romantical games of chairs, and sadly in
    too many relationships-an expectation of being pleased in all things- a conditional
    love. I think as well if this concept of conditional is based on being pleased in
    all things, in having all expectations fulfilled, it is an attitude that has bled over
    into the psyche of women as well.
    We all the right to love and be loved, of security, peace and balance in a
    relationship-what we don’t have is the right to not contribute to those ends, unreasonable
    selfish expectations, or fail to invest in facilitating them-the rewards are well worth it.
    One good woman is enough, just as one good man should be, it is a gift for a man
    or woman to have-and neither needs to make the other into a clone.
    In offering my perspective I think I’ve given myself a headache and probably
    readership as well, so enough said.

    • Good points as well, and good analogy of the musical chairs. I think the reasons can be various, as so many various types of people do it. I for one was looking for a long term partner, and bought into the idea that to find “the one” I needed to date many women and find what I wanted and didn’t. I would go into many of the relationships stating I wanted to get to know the person, and no physical intimacies. I did this much more when I saw over and over again that the sexual aspect turned things ugly quick. But then when there was no sexual aspect, things still went ugly, because each woman eventually came to the conclusion I was cheating on them. Because as they said, no man can go without sex.

      I eventually stopped dating all together because I couldn’t seem to find a woman that was willing to just get to know me, and me her.

      In being alone and going over all the mistakes I had made, I realized that my own ignorance was at least half the problem. And if I had been ignorant, then it’s a good chance the women were also. In seeing my own failings, I couldn’t get mad at others for theirs. Instead I felt compassion for them, and sought to understand.

      There has been residual resentment that will rear its ugly head from time to time, but i let it go, and use that energy to fix myself.

      I think a large part of the trouble with finding compromise so many have is the inability to admit their own faults, and go on the defensive of a bad choice or attitude. Really listening seems to be another. Not just hearing the words that are spoken, but learning the other person enough to really understand what they were saying, and not saying.

    • I wouldn’t agree that a mans love is conditional. Maybe the openly sharing of it. But I think that speaks more to the innate protectiveness men have. If a child continually chooses poorly, and doesn’t listen to advice, the man might need to protect his family from that child eventually. But it doesn’t mean that he isn’t in pain because of that child choosing poorly, or that he loves them any less. It also doesn’t mean that he won’t accept them back fully if they change.

      There is always an aspect to men and women where approval is conditional. But it seems to me that if that is the case, love isnt there to begin with.

      Recently, my mother and sister were watching my niece struggle to move something, and they were trying to tell her how to do it exactly so she would get it right. After awhile, I eventually said, let her figure it out. It took her some time, but she did.

      I think that is part of the differences and the balance between the two. You don’t want a child to get hurt, but getting hurt is also a part of life.

      I have seen women disown their children because they wouldn’t listen, while their husbands kept touch and tried to guide them through their mistakes. I’ve seen it the other way around. I’ve seen it where both parents disowned and their friends guided.

      I have seen women have troubles during one birth and detach from one child only to have another and become overly attached to that one.

      Many things can become screwed up when an imbalance occurs, it can come from men or women, or both.

  2. meoquane and jess

    More good words to think for taliuquelugv and we would say it is the give and
    the take, good to take the given and good to give to be taken.it is made to be the
    same for these ones the bird and the tree.
    the tree gives the home for the bird and the bird carrys the seed to another place
    to make the little ones for the tree and could not be so with out the difference.
    it is the marriage for the bird and the tree, the give and the take and the balance.
    we do not think this game of the chairs is good for anyone and we do not think it is
    good to have many the hands put to the woman or the man.
    you do not make the headache for us rezinate only to make the laugh for the joke
    and the more to think for.

    • When I wrote this I was trying to think of a good way to put the give and take, you have captured it perfectly. I like this description of the marriage also, protection and life.

    • I am of the mind also that it isn’t good for a man or woman to have many partners. Habits and repetitions a hard to break. If you are in a habit of switching from one person to another, it’s nearly impossible to suddenly change to one person.

      It would be like driving 100 miles and hour and expecting to suddenly make a u-turn.

      A grandfather put it to me this way. Learning one person creates a special intimacy. You know them in certain ways no one else can. There is a bond created in knowing what no one else knows. It’s a gift they gave to you that should be cherished.

      You don’t have this if you move from one partner to the next. You become like the stone skipped across the pond, never reaching its depths.

  3. Tali Uquelugv,

    Great post I truly enjoyed it! Thank you!
    (now I will feel like happy Scrat:D).

    Absolutely agree with your second comment – this is undeniable truth and it’s something everyone shall realize, be conscious of and keep in mind and heart in whole his/ her everyday life, everytime.

    BOTH of us. Men and Women. Human…

    🙂

  4. Well, I saw now all comment( they didn’t load up)… I meant this one:

    I am of the mind also that it isn’t good for a man or woman to have many partners. Habits and repetitions a hard to break. If you are in a habit of switching from one person to another, it’s nearly impossible to suddenly change to one person.
    It would be like driving 100 miles and hour and expecting to suddenly make a u-turn.

    A grandfather put it to me this way. Learning one person creates a special intimacy. You know them in certain ways no one else can. There is a bond created in knowing what no one else knows. It’s a gift they gave to you that should be cherished.

    You don’t have this if you move from one partner to the next. You become like the stone skipped across the pond, never reaching its depths.

    • Very glad you liked it, and thank you for sharing your words. It is good and needed to keep it in the mind and heart everyday, but as one i call a brother said, and forgive me if i don’t have it exactly right, if the actions don’t reflect what’s in the mind and heart, it doesn’t do much good. which is another post in itself as that is a common issue in america.

  5. Well Tali Uquelugv,

    I do believe IF you HAVE something in both – heart and mind – if YOU consciously believe it’s Good and find it right because you experienced it brings good to you and others…
    You will always be true and it will always reflect in your actions, deeds, choices and decisions.

    Thing is it has to be truly yours – not something you will be forced to believe or follow.
    Probably biggest issue in USA – being FORCED to believe and follow many things instead being allowed to think freely for yourself. (?)

    And don’t worry – you are not alone as this issuse “if the actions don’t reflect what’s is said to be in one’s mind and heart, it doesn’t do much good” applies to whole earth, all nations and continents 🙂
    I would even dare to add- that’s what is LIE and manipulation of others – to say one thing but show other/ act different..and this is what causes all pain, suffering , troubles.
    NOT being true/honest with ourselves – makes us dishonest to others.

    In my humble opinion 🙂

    All best to you!

    • In many instances it is a lie. We lie to ourselves to accept a situation, we lie to ourselves to accept a thing we do that we know we shouldn’t. It is making up excuses, and that is lying. Many things can be the origin of excuses. Laziness, fear, insecurities, are just a few.

      Insecurities seem to be common in America. More so than laziness, which speaks volumes.

      I have found that even with a good heart and mind that will show you what is right, insecurities can lead to making excuses, which leads to inaction.

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